October 2021 Student Spotlight: Zhen Yi Lin
Zhen Yi Lin was born and grew up in Taiwan. She moved to Rochester with her mom, and she has been here in Rochester for over two years now. She plans to study commercial illustration at MCC. In this essay, Zhen Yi talks about a brief encounter that happened when she was struggling in a new environment.
Fear Is Nothing
Fear always appears when you are facing unknown things. It lives in your mind, accidentally appears, and interferes with your emotion. Especially when you are going to a place you are not familiar with, it surrounds you like air, but does not let you breathe. In May 2019, I started my first journey, flying 17 hours from Taiwan to America. The game of getting along with fear had officially begun.
The first half-year in Rochester was not as exciting as I had thought it would be. The language barrier was just like a big monster in the game that I didn't know how to win. Every day, there were so many new English words that swallowed me like a wave, rushing me to the beach, and leaving me at a loss. Soon after, I participated in ESL courses in OACES school. The worst feeling was at the beginning when I couldn't communicate with my classmates. I tried to speak with limited English words. Not surprisingly, my classmates didn’t understand me. What was supposed to be a happy discussion turned into an awkward state of staring at each other. The feeling of frustration made me fall into a swamp of confusion that was hard to get out of.
The state of depression made me lose my soul. During the darkest moments, the only moment I could feel myself was in the hot shower at night. As time passed, autumn approached gradually. The green leaves slowly turned yellow, and I created a plan to save myself from depression. I went to ESL classes from 9:30 to 3:30. After classes, I studied English at home. After studying hard, I began to recognize those unfamiliar English words in the textbooks. They became my friends and help me express my thoughts to people. This progress was therapy for me. I felt the pieces that I lost were slowly returning to my soul.
Soon afterward, I passed the speaking test from level 5 to level 6. In the meantime, I was able to bring myself to the higher-level class. I walked with tense steps to my new classroom. Fear came soon after, just like what new environments always bring to me. I walked into the classroom. The teacher and my new classmates were all staring at me. I pretended I was not nervous and introduced myself to them, “Hello everyone, my name is Zhen Yi Lin. I’m from Taiwan. I’ve been in Rochester for about three months.”
As usual, I used the same sentences to introduce myself, but the feeling I got had changed a bit from the past. I was meeting new people. However, the joyful mood didn’t last too long. After joining the morning meeting with my new class, I instantly understood that I came to a new challenge again. I couldn’t catch the speed of the teacher’s words or the advanced vocabulary my new classmates used. Over and over again, the progress I made never seemed to catch up with the challenges I faced. I felt like I was climbing up a peak, but there was a higher peak waiting for me to pass.
"I can't handle it anymore..." I spoke to myself in my mind. Carrying my lunchbox, I went to the cafeteria, and decided to use this short break to clear my brain. Sadness filled my eyes; my tears just fell off like a water tap.
An old man walked towards me. He looked at me with a kind face and said, “Oh dear, what makes you so sad?”
I hurriedly wiped away my tears with my sleeve and said, "This new environment makes me so nervous. I feel frustrated every day."
“Well, let me tell you...” The old man slowly sat in the seat beside me and continued talking. “When I first came here, I was nervous about everything too. It has been almost four years. People always fear unknown things. It is a pretty normal feeling.”
I asked him, bewildered, "What happened that stopped you from being nervous?”
The old man smiled and said, "I changed my mindset. Look at this beautiful world. We are all human beings, but we are speaking different languages. These different cultures and languages make the world so diverse. We are here to learn about this beautiful world. Isn't it a good thing?"
Suddenly, I stopped crying. What the old man said to me was just like a key that opened the puzzle in my mind. I showed a big smile I had not had for a long time. The old man's words had so much power that they cured my broken soul. I felt my vision become broader. All my frustration I had suddenly disappeared, and I was full of courage again.
After the conversation with the old man, I not only continued to learn English but also tried to see those beautiful things around me. I met new friends. They all shared different stories with me. The world is so beautiful. In front of this beautiful world, fear is nothing.
ESOL Voices is a collection of stories written by ESOL students at Monroe Community College. This publication highlights our MCC students who come from all over the world. Look for new stories in the Tribune. We hope you enjoy our students’ stories as much as we do.
— Katie Leite & Pamela Fornieri, ESOL Program, October 2021